Are you currently pleasing everyone except yourself? Are you constantly worrying about what others think of you?
Do you place more confidence in other people’s opinion and almost zero confidence in your own opinion?
Are you “pleasant, nice, good” and feel you need approval from people in your life but you are upset with yourself inwardly? Are you trying to please everyone because you think they might like you?
Are you afraid of disapproval? Do you shut down and decline to speak for fear of being ignored, shamed etc.?
Are you constantly worrying about saying, doing or even thinking on your own? Are you your worst critic or is it someone in your life?
You probably know some people who do not care about any opinion except theirs. Do you envy them? Maybe and maybe not. They can sometimes be annoying! That can also be extreme. Nobody is always right. This is not about being self-centered and annoying because you think you have all the answers. Oh no, this is about being able to express and assert yourself and not be the doormat.
5 Helpful Questions
These questions offer an opportunity to think through what’s happening now and what you would rather have happen.
- What do you really think?
Think your own thoughts. Speak your truth and listen to other’s. Listening does not equal agreement or approval. You might also learn something in the process. Seek out information and be educated about what you would like to know. There is often a middle ground.
- What do you really want or want to do?
Think about the areas of your spirituality, health, work, career, education, relationships, relaxation. You do have your very own ideas, hobbies, passions, and things you would rather do or not do.
What are your dreams? What if they can be fulfilled? Would you speak up or do something different even if it’s just a little different?
Mindfully tune to yourself and what you want not what others want for you.
Make one small choice today.
- Who and What’s stopping you?
What are the barriers, difficulties, obstacles?
Identify them. Name them.
Can you remove some of the barriers and obstacles? Are you able to accept those that you are unable to change and work around them? Sometimes you need to go around the rock!
- What is important you in your life?
What do you value? This is not just about goals. Your goal might be to go on a vacation with family once a year. You save up and you are excited to be on vacation. The value is more about spending time around those you love and care about and creating memories. Kindness? Faith, family, friendships, wealth, spirituality, honesty, respect etc.?
- Are you living a life worthy of your values?
Are there inconsistencies/contradictions between what you value and how you think, speak or act? Are you aware of them? Are the contradictions causing conflict and/or discomfort?
Change something today.
Do you need help with clarity? Learn skills to assist you express yourself and set healthy boundaries. Learn to live your values.
Jumoke Omojola is a Mental Health Therapist in Omaha, Nebraska where she assists adults create healthier, happier lives and nurturing relationships. She serves Bellevue, Ralston, LaVista and other surrounding Omaha and Council Bluffs areas.
Get more information about pleasing yourself as well. Contact Jumoke at 4029816624 or jmomojola@gmail.com.
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