Are you Celebrating?
Mother’s Day is being celebrated all over the United States.
We send cards, flowers, chocolates and more to our mothers. We take them out to breakfast, brunch, dinner and more.
Some mother-children relationships are mutually loving and nurturing. So, it’s easy to look forward to Mother’s Day. I am thankful to God for that blessing. Some mothers might not be experiencing Mother’s Day with any of the usual cards, chocolates, flowers. Some are sick and or dying. Some are incarcerated.
Some mother/children relationships are non-existent, quite rocky and sometimes downright toxic. You might not be on speaking terms with your child/children.
Perhaps your mother/child/children died. I wish I had the right words to say to you this Mother’s Day. I really do not. Just know that I care.
Perhaps you/your mother struggled with severe physical and/or mental health challenges, drug addiction which made mothering/being mothered somewhat unusual and challenging for you. Does the thought of Mother’s Day make you anxious, have tense muscles, clench your jaw and/or sad?
Perhaps you experienced abuse from your mother or you abused your children. There are so many perhaps. Perhaps your mother is no longer on this earth. The memories do linger. If there is a possibility of repair, today is a day to give some consideration to the possibility.
Anger, resentment, shame, misery, sorrow, sadness, regret and other emotions you might be feeling on this Mother’s Day might be justified.
But are they beneficial to your health? Is it time to forgive even if you cannot forget?
So Today when you feel this coming on here are 5 things you can do.
- Change the Channel on your Thoughts.
Much like avoiding the commercials or your least favorite TV shows.
Intentionally interrupt and switch your thoughts to something pleasant you do remember about your mother or a mother figure in your life. Nothing is too little.
- Self-Soothe to Calm your Body.
Use any and all senses. Listen to calming music.
Move your body.
Smell something you find pleasant.
Light a favorite candle.
Step out into nature.
- Practice Lovingkindness Affirmations.
Please recognize that this is not a once and for all activity. You can’t just do it on Mother’s Day and expect magic to happen.
“I recognize that I made mistakes. I forgive myself”
“I will practice forgiving myself for hurting others’”
“May others find forgiveness in their hearts for me”
Send some to your mother if you can.
- Make Amends if You Can
Call and say hello.
If you are worried there would be no response, send a simple short text.
- Remember to Embrace Your Imperfections
Being a mother is not a cookie-cutter process
It came with no manuals.
I cannot but add my favorite DBT assumption. I switched it around a little
“You might be doing the best you can, and you can do better.” So Do something better.
Today regardless of how you perceive yourself as a mother or how others perceived you as a mother. Stop the judgment.
Celebrate your humanity!
How did you celebrate Mother’s Day? Do share.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Jumoke Omojola is a Mental Health Therapist in Omaha, Nebraska where she assists adults create healthier, happier lives and nurturing relationships. She serves Bellevue, Ralston, LaVista and other surrounding Omaha areas.